Social Media Company Seeks Special Type Of “Employee”

MAN-IN-BROTHELThis is something that when you see the ad for it, you just apply to it because you can not believe that it could be real. But you know what, it clearly is.

A social media company catering to Germany’s adult industry is creating a new position — a sexual position.

Kaufmich.com — which means “buy me” in German — has just announced it is hiring a full-time “prostitute tester.” A willingness to lie down on the job is a requirement, if you get our drift.

The man or woman chosen will review brothels in Germany, emphasizing service, cleanliness and compliance with safe sex practices. Doing this requires having sex with sex workers, according to Kaufmich.com’s duct manager, who only gave his name as “Ben” to CNBC.

“Having a brothel in Germany is totally legal but so far there is not a quality system for them in place. We want to be the Tripadvisor for brothels,” Ben told CNBC. “Clients on Kaufmich should be able to check the quality of brothels before there go — like you check your hotel online before you book.”

Besides scoring tips for carnal consumers, the ideal candidate “should enjoy having fun with people” and not be afraid of contact,” Newser reports.

Randy reviewers should also have a business degree, a full health certificate and an ability to be a cunning linguist when it comes to speaking French, according to Newsweek. Knowing the ins and outs of brothels would be a plus.

Ben said there have been 150 applicants so far, mostly from Germany but also Belgium, the Netherlands and Great Britain.

Kaufmich.com was founded in 2009 by three brothers seeking to improve Germany’s sex industry by creating a market for independent prostitutes.

“Our vision is to see sex work as an equal and fully accepted part of society,” Julius Dreyer, one of the brothers, said, according to News.com.au. “We believe that all kinds of problems arise from sex workers being isolated and judged.”

Can you imagine when at the end of the year you sit down with a tax preparer and they ask you your current position you tell them, “well sir you know the lovely whore you had two weeks ago? Well i made sure she was just right for your liking.”

Taco Bell Steps Up Their Breakfast Game

taco-bell-chicken-biscuit-tacoTaco Bell believes that they can be a legit competitor in the fast food wars breakfast race. They have now added a new soldier to their militia if you will.

The new Chicken Biscuit Taco, a new breakfast meal that stuffs a slab of fried chicken into a biscuit-based taco shell and then smothers it with either gravy or jalapeno honey.

Taco Bell CEO Brian Niccol basically admits to Bloomberg that he has no idea if this new breakfast will catch on and that the company is trying something outrageous in the hopes of getting attention.

“The Biscuit Taco is going to get people to rethink their morning routine,” he explains to Bloomberg. “When you do things that people don’t see coming, those are the types of products that get people talking.”

If Taco Bell decided to stuff a raw dead pigeon inside a taco shell and serve it for brunch, it would definitely get people talking as well. Unfortunately for the company, it’s also something we’d probably see coming as the natural evolution of Taco Bell’s other recent innovation

Who was the genius who said “Yummmmmm Jalapeno Honey”?

New Bill Would Allow Medical Marijuana Usage To Sick Pets

marijuana-dog-nevadaIt seems as if animals have all of the fun.  Just when you thought it was over “cruelty” to have people get there pets high, there may now be medial reasoning behind it.

This is actually happening a Nevada senator has introduced a bill that would allow pets to use pot.

Democratic Sen. Tick Segerblom is sponsoring the bill that was introduced Tuesday.

SB372 calls on state officials to issue medical marijuana cards for animals if the animal’s owner is a Nevada resident and a veterinarian certifies that the animal has an illness that might be alleviated by marijuana.

Segerblom says the provision is part of a larger bill that cleans up the state’s medical marijuana statute.

Sen. Mark Manendo, a fellow Democrat and animal rights advocate, says he’s concerned that marijuana might not be a safe treatment for sick animals.

Segerblom says he’s also concerned that marijuana might have adverse effects on animals, but he says veterinarians won’t know unless they try.

My big question is what will extreme animal rights activists think about this

High School Teacher Pleases Student In Parking Lot

bangingteacher

The U.S. Department of Education’s recently issued a report that puts the state of Alabama far above and beyond that of any other state when it comes to teachers involved in sexual relations with their students and It’s apparently true.

“It’s shocking,” said one former deparment official. “We’re seeing way too many sexual predators in our classrooms.”

In Odenville, Alabama a 27-year-old ninth grade English teacher at Pinson Valley High School. Jennifer Marie Perry (pictured) is married with no kids. Though, she has three dogs. Masturbated a 17-year-old student inside a parked vehicle near school grounds.

Perry “is booked with having sexual contact with a 17-year-old student at Pinson Valley High School near Birmingham. The teacher and the student allegedly met a few miles away from campus in a parking lot and engaged in a consensual sex act inside a vehicle, authorities said.”

We can only assume that means handjob. Right?

Anyway, the Jefferson County Sheriff’s Office found out about the alleged sexual act between Perry and her student only after the rumor mill started spinning out of control. She has since has resigned from her position and turned herself in to the authorities.

She was arrested on March 13 and has been released from county jail on bond. An investigation is pending and a court arraignment date has not yet been set. More to come.

Again where were these teachers when I was in school.

Study Show Men Who Watch More Porn Have Better Sex Lives

watchingpornIn what basically can be considered as “Duhhhhhh you didnt know this news” Tax dollars are once again at work and have discovered something that men who became sexually active in their teenage years found out before their first time.

Scientists at the University of California are saying that men who watch more porn have better sex lives. Why is that, you ask? Because men who masturbate to porn are less likely to suffer from erectile dysfunction and have higher sex drives. But don’t just take my word for it…

According to Mirror:

Researchers Nicole Prause and James Pfaus recruited 280 men and asked them to meticulously record their porn viewing hours per week.

The men – who were straight, white and mostly in their early 20s – were also asked to fill out questionnaires on their sexual desire and activity.

The scientists found arousal rose to its highest level for men who watched more than two hours of porn per week.

It also increased the amount the men wanted to be with their partners.

Those who watched no porn at all had an ‘arousal score’ of just over 40. But for those who watched porn, the score was more than 50.

“This pattern suggests that those who view more visual sexual stimuli (VSS) are likely to have a higher sexual drive,” the scientists wrote in the Journal of Sexual Medicine.

 

So ladies you may want to think twice before calling your man all types of perverts because of his pornography consumption.

Doctors Perform Successful Penis Transplant

penis-transplant-101Whelp…..yeah so this happened …and umm yeah.

South African doctors have achieved what they call the world’s first successful penis transplant.

The young man, whose identity “is being protected for ethical reasons,” has made a full recovery — a result which the doctors did not expect to occur until about December 2016. The recovery includes, “restoration of all the patient’s urinary and reproductive functions,” according to experts.

“It’s a massive breakthrough. We’ve proved that it can be done” said Professor Frank Graewe, head of the division of plastic reconstructive surgery at Stellenbosch University. “We can give someone an organ that is just as good as the one that he had.”

The patient’s penis was amputated after complications arose from a traditional circumcision, which was performed during a coming of age ceremony. Such initiation practices are common in African nations, but have increasingly come under scrutiny for risk of complications.

Doctors used techniques developed, in part, for the world’s first facial transplant. Dr. André van der Merwe, the head of the team of doctors said, “We used the same type of microscopic surgery to connect small blood vessels and nerves, and the psychological evaluation of patients was also similar.”

Psychological factors are important for the success of any transplant operation.

Dr. John Robinson, professor of psychiatry and surgery at Howard University, told CNN, “The anxiety of waiting for a transplant creates a lot of anxiety and tension. Once you get the transplant, the anxiety of rejection keeps people pretty nervous.”

This actually  isn’t the first penile transplant. Doctors in China performed an unsuccessful transplant in 2006. That patient rejected the transplant due to “a severe psychological problem,” and had it removed, though no medical rejection was found.

Joanie Laurer Has Another Internet Breakdown

ChynaBreakdownI think right about now would be a great time for an intervention.

Former WWE Intercontinental Champion Chyna aka Joanie Laurer has taken to the internet once again and its honestly not a pretty site.

This time she directly addresses the WWE COO Paul Levesque aka Triple H. She mentions being called out on the Stone Cold Steve Austin podcast and goes on a tirade.

This is actually getting sad first the struggle twerk and now this. Someone who is a close friend or even a compassionate one needs to intervene before this gets worse.

After Taunting Police On His Own Wanted Picture, Man Is Captured

man-taunts-cops-facebook-criesDoes this qualify as Ignorant News or “Dumbass Of The Day” News?  Well I think its a mix of both.

One such foolish criminal is 21-year-old Andrew Dale Marcum, an Ohioan who was wanted by the Butler County Sheriff’s Office for assault, domestic violence, abduction, and, get this, safe cracking. The sheriff’s office posted his mugshot as part of a “warrant of the week” series on Tuesday and the tips to his whereabouts came rolling in. Of course, it probably didn’t help that Marcum decided to personally respond to the sheriff’s office’s wanted posting from his own Facebook account.

That’s when the onslaught of tipsters alerting police to Marcam’s whereabouts began. Of course, other people commented purely to laugh at Marcam’s major fuck up. According to NY Daily News, whoever runs the Facebook account for the sheriff’s department left an exceedingly polite comment, which stated “If you could stop by the sheriff’s office, that’d be great.”

Plus, Butler County sheriff Richard K. Jones wasn’t going to take Marcam’s taunt lying down.

“Richard K. Jones @butlersheriff

         We r close to you marcum soon u will have a new place to live. C u soon.”

The next day, Marcam turned himself in to the sheriff’s office where he took a tearful mugshot. He somehow wasn’t as tough in the sheriff’s office as he was when he was posting behind the veil of social media. Funny how that works. The authorities provided the following update on their Facebook page.

“Butler County Sheriff’s Office

Government Organization · 11,768 Likes

·Yesterday at 8:37pm · Edited ·

Andrew Dale Marcum will be off Facebook temporarily, because there is no social media access in the Butler County Jail. He’s turned himself in.

Thanks to our Facebook and Twitter friends for helping turn up the heat.”

Sheriff Jones decided to rub a some additional salt into Marcam’s wounds by mocking the young man’s tears.
Richard K. Jones @butlersheriff
Is it raining outside or is he teared up. Tough guys sometime sensitive”

Man Gets HIgh, Then Performs Sex Act On Horse

horse-fuckerAgain another post that simply has to start off with “Drugs Are Bad MMMkay”

I have heard of people being off of various from of drugs and doing some weird things but this here may be one of the weirdest.

In Wausau, Wisconsin, a 30-year-old has been charged with possession of marijuana and blowing a horse.

Court documents claim that Jared Kreft was found inside a barn with a marijuana pipe and a jar of petroleum jelly. He was also wearing a face mask and blue wind pants with holes cut around the crotch and ass areas.

Kreft admitted to police that, before he was found inside the barn with said animal, which he blew and jacked off, he was viewing horse porn.

Police searched Kreft’s apartment and found marijuana, though they did not find any horse porn.

Kreft was locked up in Marathon County Jail on a $2,000 cash bond. He faces a judge on Tuesday. Has anybody cross-examined the horse and asked him how HE is feeling after being violated

New Device Allows You to Charge Your Phone …..While You Masturbate

wankbandYes boys and girls you read that headline CORRECTLY. Now you can take multitasking to a WHOLE NEW LEVEL.

The adult website “PORNHUB” may be awarded the NOBEL PRIZE after this device hits the markets.

In a press release, the company recently announced its plan to “penetrate the wearable market with their brand new Wankband.”

The Wankband is a wearable wristband that’s a bit similar to a Fitbit. It generates and stores electricity via a back-and-forth motion of the wrist. Given that’s it’s called a Wankband, you can guess exactly what type of motion we’re talking about here. I wonder if there’s an app you have to search for in the app stores every 3 months

From there, you can just plug any device into the Wankband’s USB port and charge it. “We’re showing men that they can save the planet by doing what they do best,” says the promotional video. The wristband is currently in the development stages, though Pornhub will be putting out a call for beta testers in the coming months.

Though Pornhub claims that the wristband works for both men and women, and that it will “adapt to your routine,” the wrist-flicking motion that powers the wristband seems specific to penile masturbation.

We’ve reached out to Pornhub for more information about the Wankband’s capabilities, but hopefully they’ll develop something that generates energy based on the movements of clitoral masturbation. Perhaps next year, ladies will get something more along the lines of a Wank Ring. And maybe just MAYBE Apple will be the first to jump on this technology so that ladies can wait out in line all night for it or the fellas too. right before Christmas like a Black Friday release.

But here is the announcement video: