Vanilla Extract Is Cause For A Woman’s Drunk Driving

vanillaextractSomewhere there is a handful of lonely housewives going “Oh my God, we’ve been doing it COMPLETELY wrong the WHOLE TIME.”

In Macedon, New York (western New York) woman was arrested after police say she was behind the wheel – drunk on vanilla extract.

Police say the woman was driving erratically in the parking lot of a Wal-Mart in Macedon in Wayne County. But of course at Wal-Mart

The woman apparently told police she had gotten lost on her way home.

A breathalyzer revealed the woman’s blood alcohol content was three times the legal limit.

After this is it safe to assume people are going out to be buying Vanilla Extract in bulk.

Elementary Students Plot To Kill “Mean” Teacher

classroomThis is the epitome’ of bad ass kids or just not really wanting to do homework or a pop quiz.

Three 9-year-old students in upstate New York plotted in December to kill their fourth grade teacher with hand sanitizer, according to a police report.

The report, said the conniving classmates in Elba, a small town between Buffalo and Rochester, told fellow students they were going to kill their teacher right before winter break “by putting antibacterial products around the classroom.” (this sounds like something Stewie Griffin from Family Guy would come up with.

The Elba Elementary School teacher is highly allergic to hand sanitizer and banned it from the classroom, so the students planned to poison her with it.

The names of the students and the teacher have not been released.

The pupils’ plot unraveled when a student who heard about it told parents, who referred it to the school board.

Chief Deputy Jerome Brewster of the Genesee County Sheriff’s Department told the Daily News police found little motive for the murder plot beyond the fact that the students said the teacher “is mean.”

The deputy said that the police considered the school scheme “idle chatter” and did not charge the students with any crimes. Police referred the case to the school district, which is treating the threats “very seriously,” Brewster said.

The Batavia Daily News reports two of the students were suspended, but the school board wouldn’t release any other information about the case, citing privacy of student records.

Neighborhood Little Old Lady Arrested For Making Coats Out Of Cats

CatFurCoatHappy New Year from everybody here at Educated Insanity and what better way to kick off 2015 then with a hilarious IGNORANT NEWS STORY. Well HERE WE GO ! ! !

In Waco, Texas (yes the same Waco Texas where cult leader David Koresh staged the mass suicide) an 85-year old woman has been arrested after being caught on film kidnapping one of her neighbor’s cats with she was accused of using the animals to make fur coats.

The recent disappearance of domestic animals in the neighborhood started to arise suspicion from local residents when some people started to notice the old lady’s particular fur coats, some even recognizing their cats in the coat’s furs, a fact the lady vehemently denied before being caught on videotape by a private detective hired by local residents to follow the suspicious lady.

It is believed the old lady started at first to raise her own cats but finally decided to capture neighboring cats because she “got too much attached to the little critters”, she admitted in court.

The retired fashion designer lured neighborhood cats with food and skinned them in her basement where she dried the skins. She also used the meat of the cats to lure other cats who unwittingly were eating their own species, a disgusting and cruel hobby admits local PETA spokeswoman Jane Churchill.

“I can’t believe these atrocities happened in our own backyard. Animals are our brothers and sisters and what she has done to my eyes is comparable to mass murder” she explains. “She has taken the lives of hundreds of cats just to make fur coats out of them, this is tragic. How would people react if someone made coats out of human skin? These cats are living beings and all living beings are equal to Mother Earth. I hope she goes to jail for a very long time”

Legal experts assess the 85-year old woman could spend up to 18 months in jail for her crimes. But another question that needs to be asked is are those coats possibly going for sale on Ebay.

 

Gun Range Owner Addresses Criticism Over Billboard

gunsantaA California gun range is drawing controversy with a billboard bearing the image of Santa Claus toting an automatic rifle. This Santa looks like he ONLY flies over the US of A.

The billboard outside Down Range in Chico features Santa Claus wearing sunglasses and holding an automatic weapon with the tagline, “We build AR’s for Santa.”

“As a teacher, I would not want my students to see that. I don’t think you need to put out that as Santa has a gun,” resident Sara Welday told KNTV.

Tom Imhoff told KNVN-TV he finds the billboard sad.

“The idea of this symbol of joy and giving holding an assault rifle it’s just so contradictory,” Imhoff said. “You almost don’t know what to do with it.”

Steve Dyke, co-owner of Down Range, said the sign is meant to be fun.

“Obviously, Santa Claus is synonymous with Christmas…We actually thought [people] got a kick out of it, thought it would be good and other people would think it was funny,” he said.

He said he does not see a problem with associating St. Nick with firearms.

“Well, you know, some people get toys and stuff like that for Christmas. Other people — when I was growing up, I got guns from Santa Claus. I mean, it’s just a matter of where you’re from,” Dyke said.

Dyke said the sign will come down after the holidays, but the store owners are already planning possible follow-up ads featuring Cupid or the Easter Bunny.

Like thats the last thing people need to see on the day that represents LOVE, “give someone your heart and protect yourself to take out another one.”

WWE Star Arrested For Holiday Assault

kevinnashmugshotIsnt this just festive, Wrestling superstar Kevin Nash was arrested early Christmas Eve morning — after getting into a bloody fight with his teenage son Tristen

The 55-year-old legend — who is currently under contract with the WWE — was taken into custody in Volusia County, Florida  after cops received a call about a domestic incident just after midnight.

When cops arrived to the scene … they noticed blood on Kevin’s face and arrested Nash.

Two hours later, cops received another 911 call from a person claiming 18-year-old Tristen attacked his mother. He was also arrested for battery.

1224-SUB-tristen-nash-mug-shot-01

Both men were hauled to a nearby jail where they were booked and are currently being held without bond.

Tristen is an aspiring singer in a band.

Just four years ago, Kevin fiercely defended Tristen when Internet trolls blasted the music he posted in YouTube. Kevin wrote, “or those that are just haters because he is my kid, f**k you and I hope you wake up with a brain tumor tomorrow.”

Here’s a little more info on Kevin Nash’s  … the report says he told cops his son came home wasted and belligerent toward him and Kevin’s wife, then spit in his face and elbow-checked him. Kevin told cops he pinned Tristen to the ground and that’s when Tristen scratched his face.

But Tristen said Kevin was berating him over his relationship with his girlfriend. He says Kevin then choke-slammed him to the ground and, just like Kevin’s signature move, Tristen says he hit is head so hard on the ground he blacked out.

Cops arrested Kevin because they felt he was the “primary aggressor.”

As for Tristen’s arrest two hours later … Tristen’s uncle told cops the young man — who is 6’5″ and 200 lbs — was drunk and  had “slung his mom around the kitchen” and tried attacking him as well.

They are gonna get so drunk and eat so much cold Christmas turkey when they both finally sober up.

Man Guilty of Getting Kinky By the Pool

edwintobergtaFrom the title of this alone you would think that this is possibly just a couple getting caught in the midst of passion. But yeah this isnt that AT ALL.

Edwin Charles Tobergta, 34, pleaded guilty Tuesday to public indecency for having sex with a pink inflatable pool float in front of several children, The Smoking Gun reported.

A witness caught the Hamilton, Ohio man getting wet and wild in June, after he “stepped out of his back door, naked and [had] sexual relations with a rubber pool float,” the police report states.

The report notes that “this occurred in front of several children who saw his genitals and his actions with the float. The children were under the age of 10 and it occurred in the afternoon during the daylight hours.”

What the report fails to mention is that Tobergta — say what you will about him — is anything if not faithful. He was arrested in 2011 for having sex with the exact same pool float.

That time, he was caught on top of the blow-up tow with his pants “down around his ankles.” When he realized he’d been spotted, he tried to make a getaway — raft in tow — but police eventually caught up to him.

He’s scheduled to be sentenced in November.

School Officials Send Extremely Racist Text Messages

racist teachWe have all wondered what are teachers saying about children during personal time or even to other teachers, and not just “so how many in your homeroom have you boned for an A”.

Coatesville Area School District in southeastern Pennsylvania is now demanding all district employees enroll in sensitivity training after two top administrators were caught trading“sickening” and “highly offensive” text messages on district-supplied phones. Superintendent Richard Como and Coatesville High School athletic director Jim Donato resigned Aug. 29 “for personal reasons” after an internal investigation by the school board revealed their love of pretty much all racial slurs.

The school board will formally vote on whether to accept or deny their resignations Tuesday. Pissed off parents and community members are pushing the board to deny the resignations and fire both administrators instead. The Coatesville School District Parents/Taxpayers Coalition is even circulating a petition demanding retirement the request not be voted upon until “any and all internal and external investigations are completed.”

The Chester County District Attorney’s Office confirmed on Sept. 20 that there is a criminal investigation underway, though no criminal charges have been filed.

The hideous text message transcripts leave no racist stone unturned. Click on the link and CHECK THIS OUT

169978329-CASD-Transcript-Excerpts

Town is Being Terrorized By Clown

clownThere are people young and old who are completely terrified of clowns. They suffer from  coulrophobia – a fear of clowns. No matter how much the actor tries to cute it up it still can terrify people.  Well over in England its happening people cant seem to explain it.

The sinister figure has been repeatedly spotted around Northampton in Jolly ole England made  his first appearance on Friday 13th September, he has been spotted in several locations across the town and been photographed by local residents clutching a set of juggling clubs and colourful balloons in full attire and make-up, sporting a frizzy red wig and waving at passers-by.

One woman reported the clown had knocked on her front door and offered to paint her windowsills, despite having no equipment on him.

There has been no explanation for the sudden nocturnal appearances of the man, who bears a striking resemblance to the character Pennywise as portrayed in the film of Stephen King’s horror novel It.

But unlike Pennywise, Northampton’s version has set up a Facebook group detailing his exploits.

He signs off each update with “beep beep” – the King character’s catchphrase. If this was in good ole ‘Merica Mr. Clown would have BEEN gotten his a$$ whooped.

Man Makes Biggest Combo Burger Ever

mceverythingYou ever gone to a restaurant and jokingly used the expression “Let me get everything on the left side of the menu”.

Well imagine some one instead of saying just one side they say the entire menu and just all the sandwiches.  And i don’t think it helps well this story originated from.

A Wisconsin blogger said it cost him $140.33 to purchase one of each sandwich offered by McDonald’s and then assemble them into “the McEverything.”

Nick Chipman, a blogger for DudeFoods.com, said he went to the McDonald’s in Wauwatosa, Wis., a half hour before the end of breakfast so he would be able to order all 43 sandwiches made by the fast food chain. He used bamboo skewers to stack them into a creation he dubbed “the McEverything.”

Chipman said his entire bill came to $141.33, because he also ordered a Diet Coke.

“Aside from keeping the McEverything from toppling over as I was assembling it, I’d say that the hardest part of building it was not eating any of the sandwiches until it was complete. I’m a total sucker for McDonald’s sandwiches, especially their McGriddles,” Chipman wrote.

Chipman said he, unsurprisingly, was not able to eat the McEverything in one sitting.

“With all the leftovers I have, I’ve got all my breakfasts, lunches and dinners covered for the next week or so!” he wrote.

At what point does just looking at this make your arteries SHUT DOWN.

Conjoined Twin Porn Will Soon Be On Your Sticky Screen

ConjoinedTwinPornHold on to your hats all you porn connoisseurs, this right here may just have taken freaky fetishes to a WHOLE NEW LEVEL.

Just when you thought pornographers had covered every conceivable connubial combination comes a sex fantasy that hasn’t yet been immortalized — frisky conjoined twins.

“Conjoined,” an adult film set for release early next year, features two non-related porn stars, Mischa Brooks and Rilynn Rae, who are joined at the hip.

This new kink is the brainchild of adult director B. Skow, who saw a pair of conjoined twins on YouTube — one who was fat and the other who was skinny — and started thinking about the interpersonal dynamic and the sexual possibilities.

“I thought about two hot twins who are connected and wondered, ‘What if one fell in love and wanted to be separated? And I wondered if the other one would get jealous.” Ok this right here is a freaky fantasy for your ass.

Skow said he likes finding interesting stories and then finding ways to leave in the sex. In this case, he upped the erotic ante by making one of the sisters lesbians. That decision was influenced by the fact that the company financing the film, Girlfriends Films, specializes in girl-on-girl porn.

However, he’s quick to clarify that the exact sexual dynamic between the conjoined kinksters is slightly more fluid.

“One is more lesbian than the other, but both like girls,” he said. “They don’t have sex with each other. When one is having sex with another person, they will put a sheet over their sister. Still, the other will feel things that her sister is doing.”

Skow said there is one scene where the two sisters hook up with one girl who switches between the two.

Skow said he picked them because he thinks they look alike, although at 5-foot-10, Rae is 8 inches taller than Brooks.

“It looks funny when they’re trying to get dressed, but they are good friends in real life. The film opens with them trying to play Twister.”

Rae has been in the industry since 2012 in films like “Boffing The Babysitter 16″ and “My New Black Stepdaddy 13.” She said that playing a conjoined twin wasn’t as much of a stretch as she expected.

“It wasn’t that hard, I’ve played sports all my life so I’m used to the rivalry.

“The moment where we have sex with another character, [Mischa’s character] was supposed to be doing mine a favor and she was playing it great — like she’s really pissed!”

The biggest challenge was dealing with the prosthetic that kept the two just inches apart for most of the two-day shoot.

“It was always splitting apart,” she said.

Rae admits the idea of the film sounds over-the-top. Still, she expects “Conjoined” could connect with the mainstream. “We talked on the set about how ridiculous this sounded, but I think people will connect to it,” she said. “The story is touching.”

It’s also potentially more dramatic than the usual porn, according to Skow, who, spoiler alert, hints of a tragic ending.

“This wasn’t written to be a circus act,” he said. “I’d like to do a sequel, but I’d have to do a ‘Star Wars’ thing to bring someone back to life