Category Archives: Comedy

Groundhog Facing Execution For Late Spring

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At some point in life hopefully we as a society will get it together and figure out just exactly was is important and what isn’t because this right here is just ridiculous.

As of this date March 24th it is a few days into meteorological Spring and it for damn sure does not feel like it and its all being blamed on the “man” himself who predicted it would change groundhog Punxsutawney Phil.  Blamed so much they trying to kill him.

Punxsutawney Phil could be in serious trouble. He didn’t see his shadow this year, meaning spring should come early. But the season has shown no signs of arriving as of yet in Ohio’s Butler County, and a prosecutor there has “indicted” Phil, charging him with “misrepresentation of spring,” the Cincinnati Enquirer reports. Mike Gmoser says Phil behaved “with prior calculation and design,” writing, “contrary to the Groundhog Day report, a snowstorm and record low temperatures have been and are predicted to continue in the near future.”

Phil handler John Griffiths says that’s not a fair assessment, given there have actually been spring-like temperature jumps since Feb. 2, USA Today notes. But Gmoser is calling for the death penalty, worrying Griffiths, who asks, “This is tongue-in-cheek, right?

Aren’t there are a WHOLE LOT OF OTHER things for law makers to be worrying about then shooting Alvin & the Chipmunks first cousin.

Bank Robber Ends Up With A Different Type of Sweets During Heist

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You hate to hear about a bank robbery and especially hearing that a criminal has gotten away with many peoples life savings and hard earned money.  But when you read what this crook got away with you will honestly get a good ass chuckle.

Police in New York said an attempted bank robber got away with just a handful of lollipops after a teller refused to submit to his demand for cash.

Investigators said the suspect walked into the Chase branch in the Garment District around 10 a.m. Friday and handed a note to a teller reading: “I have a bomb. Give me some money now”

Teller Melinda Lewis told the man she doesn’t read notes and instructed him to fill out a withdrawal slip, the New York Post reported Wednesday.

The man wrote the same note on the slip and Lewis instructed him to swipe his bank card while telling a colleague in Spanish that she was being robbed.

“Ma’am, I ain’t got no time for this,” the robber was quoted as saying before fleeing with a fistful of lollipops. LMAOOOOOOOO

Police said the suspect — who has not been identified is believed to have taken a total of about $300 in robberies at a Fed Ex office, Modell’s sporting goods store and an IHOP restaurant.

Best of Educated Insanity 3/13/13-3/14/13

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We wrapped up yet another informative and educated week on Educated Insanity.  NFL free agency and trades that ran rampant, to the seemingly overnight Up’s & downs of NBA teams.  We covered the changes in the sports world and even had some extremely ignorant news stories.

Check out an enjoy and don’t forget to catch the show LIVE every Wednesday & Thursday 4-6pm cst on http://www.chicagolansportsradio.com

Best of 3/13/13-

Best of 3/14/13-

Psychic Scams Woman Out Of $10,000 By Saying She’ll Be Cleansed

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You mean to tell me that people are still believing in blike that,,,,enough to give them money. I mean yeah there was Miss Cleo (“call me now”) and John Edward (Crossing Over) and that got popped off like Easter basket bubbles.  But people still believe in them and are willing to spend their hard earned or saved money on them.

Well there is still Sylvia Browne right?? But check this out in  police report obtained back in July, practicing psychic April Stevens of Harahan, La., allegedly told a woman she suffered from a potentially deadly curse that could only be lifted by “cleansing” $10,000 of the woman’s money. That must be some Magic Johnson type of cleansing.

The woman raised the funds, which Stevens promised to give back once it had been purified. But when the woman asked for her cash after several months, Stevens allegedly told her it hadn’t been cleansed yet.

Eventually, the victim got tired of waiting for the purification process to run its course and complained to police, who arrested Stevens on Feb. 28, according to the Times-Picayune.

Sgt. Brian McGregor told the paper Stevens is still liable for theft, even though the victim willingly gave up the cash.

“Here, you have an incident in which she was given something to hold, money, with the understanding that it will be returned,” McGregor said. “You fail to return the items when requested by the victim, thus permanently depriving them of their rightful property.”

She woulda been better off possibly going to one of those holistic medicine stores and spending all of that money on horny goat weed and monkey foot extract.

Cookie For Nookie Scandal Rocks Jail

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Commissary in prison is a very serious thing.  Some prisoners will do some of anything to keep themselves a slight taste of the outside world. To the same extent some of the prison guards know this and use that to take advantage of the prisoners both male and female.  There story right here is a prime example of it.

A corrections officer has been charged with providing a 22-year-old female inmate with homemade chocolate chip cookies in exchange for sexual contact, police charge.

According to a probable cause affidavit, Abner Canda–a 58-year-old guard at the county jail in Everett, Washington–engaged in several sexual interations with the inmate, who is only identified by the initials “C.D.”

The woman told investigators that, “I showed him my breasts, willingly for some food” last May. After being released from the jail, she returned to the lockup in October and soon had another illicit encounter with the married Canda, who began working as a corrections officer in 2007.

Canda, the inmate said, came to her room in mid-November and “kissed me and touched my breasts and also put his hand down my pants and placed his finger inside of [my vagina],” according to the Superior Court affidavit. On a subsequent occasion, Canda performed oral sex on “C.D.”

The inmate told police that, “in exchange for the aforementioned sexual favors, Defendant gave her homemade chocolate chip cookies.”

“C.D.” said that she decided to tell investigators about her encounters with Canda because she felt “guilty for doing what I did,” adding that, “I’m ashamed for my actions that’s why I’m saying something.”

In light of “C.D.”’s claims, detectives spoke with other female inmates, “at least two of whom suggested that they…had sexual contact” with Canda. One of the women “even claimed that she had been, in her words, ‘dating’ Defendant while an inmate.”

Canda was charged this week with custodial sexual misconduct, a felony, for his alleged sexual encounters with “C.D.” Canda has been on paid administrative leave from his jail post since January

i have seen the MSNBC locked up female edition and I can say that …..it aint that serious and he coulda gone to a strip club and they may have even appreciated the cookies.

Mother Gets Pregnant By Son…..ON PURPOSE

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In today’s “WHAT THE F**K ARE YOU SERIOUS??” something that takes the Oedipus (study up people) Complex to a whole new level.  There have been many tales of this happening but the reason this one is happening is EVEN MORE DISGUSTING.

40 year old Betty Mbereko, who was widowed 12 years ago, has been living with her first child, 23 year old Farai Mbereko. She confirms that she’s six months pregnant and that she has decided it’s better to “marry” her son because she doesn’t want to marry her late husband’s young brothers, whom she says are coveting her.

Betty stunned a village court when she said the affair with her son had begun three years earlier. She said after spending a lot of money sending Farai to school following the death of her husband, she felt she had a right to his money and no other woman was entitled to it.

“Look, I strove alone to send my son to school and no one helped me. Now you see that my son is working and you accuse me of doing something wrong. “Let me enjoy the products of my sweat,” she told the village court.

Farai said he was more than prepared to marry his mother and would pay off the ilobola balance his father had left unpaid to his grandparents. “I know my father died before he finished paying the bride price and I am prepared to pay it off,” he said.

“It is better to publicize what is happening because people should know that I am the one who made my mother pregnant. Otherwise they will accuse her of promiscuity.”

But local headman Nathan Muputirwa says: “We cannot allow this to happen in our village, mashura chaiwo aya, (This is a bad omen indeed).

In the past they would have to be killed but today we cannot do it because we are afraid of the police.” He warned them to break off their marriage or leave his village. They chose the latter and have left the village for an unknown destination…

I know the old saying goes “it takes a village to raise a Child”, but it takes an idiot to impregnate his mama with his son/daughter-brother/sister combo.

Man Arrested By Police Yells How Much He “Loves Cocaine”

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“Drugs are Bad, mmmmkay.” I believe that’s the lesson of this story here about a man who expressing his deepest emotion about a particular narcotic while being arrested.

Naked 21-year-old Quanta’e Powell jumped onto the hood of a police cruiser when authorities arrived recently at an apartment complex in Crestview, Fla.

The incident took place on Feb. 24, but news reports recalling the details of the arrest surfaced this week.

Powell was “very agitated” and when asked by the officer if he needed assistance, just kept “yelling about cocaine,” and about how he “loved” it, the report said.

After the officer continued to question Powell he became distressed and took off running, according to the report. Officers said they eventually subdued Powell with a Taser.

As the Northwest Florida Daily News noted, the report said that, “Statements from the defendant were not possible as he would only state he loved cocaine and needed more cocaine.”

Powell was taken to a local hospital and, once released, transfered to jail on a charge of avoiding arrest without. violence.

See all this “popped a molly, I’m sweating” and “smoking on that dope” has an bad effect after all. This is like Tom Cruise when he was jumping on Oprah’s couch except for Katie Holmes it was another white girl

Harlem Shake On Airplane Causes Federal Investigation

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Have you gotten fed up with all of the HARLEM SHAKE meme’s or videos or whatever you want to call them. Well maybe being FED up is exactly what needs to happen and by that I mean the FEDS as in the FEDERAL GOVERNMENT.

One of the more recent versions of the meme, made by the Colorado College Ultimate Frisbee Team – takes place aboard a Frontier Airlines flight. It starts off innocently/predictably enough, with a lone frisbee player dancing in a lacrosse helmet. Then, as always happens in these videos, the whole plane joins in, including other members of the team in various costumes, plus a confused-looking but game old man. Harmless fun, in an awful sort of way, right? Wrong, according to the FAA, who have launched an investigation into the video.

A federal official who did not want to be identified because of the ongoing investigation said the video “looks bad” — but as long as it wasn’t recorded as the plane was taking off or landing, then it probably isn’t a crime. If the video was recorded against the wishes of the Frontier flight attendants, however, the official said, the passengers could be charged with interfering with a flight crew.

Both members of the frisbee team and school officials are denying any wrongdoing. “[The students] definitely had permission from the flight crew,” Leslie Weddell, the college’s spokesperson, told ABC News. Matt Zelin, a sophomore on the team, told the school’s newspaper (headline: “BREAKING: FAA investigating student’s in-flight ‘Harlem Shake”) that the crew approved the video ahead of time.

“Obviously I hope that this whole situation is solved with the FAA…,” said Matt Zelin, sophomore who filmed the dance and who is a member of CC’s frisbee team. “I don’t see there being any reason why this should cause any trouble. We asked the staff and they said it was safe.”

ABC News’ aviation expert said the stunt was probably harmless.

“I don’t think there’s any concern structurally or when it comes to safety of flight,” said ABC News aviation consultant John Nance.

If the dancers had all moved to the front or rear of the plane simultaneously, Nance said, that could have created a weight and balance issue for the pilots in the cockpit, but not a problem that put the plane in danger of crashing.

“It’s nothing the flight crew or the aircraft can’t handle,” Nance said. “This gyrating around is of no consequence.”

Check out the video for yourself I will admit i giggled a little at this one…

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Girl Scouts Get Robbed for Cookies

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We all have had our run in with Girl Scout cookies.  Some of us have even grown such an affinity for them to where once we hear that the time for selling comes around, you have people making orders at work by the dozens or looking for little booths selling them on the street.  Well somebody evidently loved them so much and didn’t want to wait to order just a few boxes and needed a whole warehouse worth.

in South Carolina’s Spartanburg County, a thief allegedly stole nearly $19,000 worth of Girl Scout cookies from a storage facility, police said.

An incident report filed this week said the thief made off with 450 cases of Girl Scout cookies — worth an estimated $18,900 — from Carey Moving and Storage, Inc., WSPA-TV, Spartanburg, S.C., reported Wednesday.

The cases contained about 5,400 boxes of cookies. That’s a whole lot of Thin Mints and Samoas

Brian Carey, the owner of the storage company, said surveillance footage from the facility has been handed over to investigators, adding that his company performs strict drug and background checks and if it turns out that one of his employees was involved in the theft, such behavior won’t be tolerated.

Carey also he would order more cookies to help reimburse the Girl Scouts for the loss.

A spokeswoman for the Girl Scouts of South Carolina said the cookies would have been sold at cookie booths across the 22 counties throughout the state. Proceeds from the cookie sales would have gone to help local scouts plan trips and organize community events.

Somebody is about to be selling Girl Scout cookies like people who buy one newspaper and steal the whole stack then sell them on a morning train.

Jay Washington Interviews Comedian/Teacher/Producer Bryan Bowden

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Many people in the world of comedy wear many hats.  Some on top of performing many work behind the scenes as far as producing shows others hold full-time jobs. Well Comedian Bryan Bowden holds them all. Not only does he perform stand-up but he also is co-producer of the successful showcase Chicago Underground Comedy that runs at the Beat Kitchen 2100 W Belmont every Tuesday at 9:30 pm, He is also a trainer at the World Famous Second City Training Center as well as a Special Education Educator.  I tip my hat off to this man.

Find Bryan on Facebook and on Twitter at @theBryanChamp

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Part 2-